Dear Younger Me,

I carry you with me every day – your memories, your experiences, your preferences, your dreams, your thoughts, and your expectations for me. I carry your love for noodles, Korean dramas, flowers, and manhwas, though maybe not with the same intensity. I still share your hatred for worms too–perhaps even more than you did. But I no longer carry some parts of you, like your hatred for durian. You would find this ridiculous but I came to love durian that one summer after freshman year. It was honestly life-changing. 

Anyway, I have grown used to carrying you since I have been doing it forever. However, on some days, you feel a little heavier than usual. Whenever I am reminded of your dreams, and plans you had for me, the weight sinks a little deeper. When I think about what you could have been if things had turned out differently, I wonder what you would think of me if you could see me right now. Would you be disappointed when you find out that I was different from the future you had carried within yourself? Or would you be proud? I have no idea. I can’t figure you out even though I carry you daily. I will never truly understand you. 

But don’t worry, I have no plan to ever put you down because if I did, there would be no me. No matter how much it may hurt sometimes to think about you, I will always cherish you: for believing in me, dreaming big about me, and having all those expectations for me. I will carry them with me every day. 

I know you carry me as much as I carry you. You probably think about me every day just as I think of you because after all, we have always been thinkers, haven’t we? 

I just hope we recognize each other when we meet–if we ever do.  

Take care and with love,

Your Present Self

Snow May @ Phyu Sin May 
ASBGV, Thailand